Hello, dear readers! Today's blog is going to be a little different than what I've written here in the past, and might be marking a shift in how I use the platform going forward. I intend to start using this space to write more about my approach to tarot, as I'm working to expand that part of what I'm offering alongside spiritual companionship services. I know not everyone who's signed up for this newsletter might be into that, so I want to be up front about it and let you know that there's no hard feelings if you unsubscribe. That said, I hope you'll stick around.
This morning, as I was coworking with my brilliant friend Aster, I was struggling to focus. I knew why, but I wasn't quite sure what to do about it or what I needed to find my center again. Aster was offering to help connect me to some resources for marketing my business, and I was both deeply grateful and also feeling some resistance to accepting the help. So I pulled out the tarot deck I had with me (the sadly out-of-print Slow Holler Tarot), shuffled while wondering, "What am I missing? What do I need to know?" and pulled a card:
The Seven of Knives/Swords is a card I sometimes struggle to read. t can hold a lot of nuance. It can be about cunning, subtlety, guarding resources, being too clever for our own good. But the way it has most often shown up for me, particularly lately, is when I need to hear the message, "Be honest." I opened the guidebook (which is one of my favorites), and read:
You don't have to go at it alone. Honor your commitment to others without sacrificing commitment to self.
...
Sometimes, the Seven of Knives appears when we struggle with wanting to work independently because we find collective work too confining or draining. While working alone can be healthy, the Seven reminds us that sometimes we threaten to do ourselves and our communities more harm by trying to overcome challenges all by ourselves...
And after taking a moment to wrestle with what I was reading, I realized...yes. This is it. My learned hyper-independence is, in fact, not aligned with my values of connection and community, and while I do need to take responsibility for my own stuff, that doesn't mean taking on so much responsibility that I'm crushed by it and the people around me have to deal with the fallout.
And so, in the spirit of this Seven of Knives that I pulled this morning, I’m going to be honest with y’all: I am struggling. In particular, I am extremely stressed out about money, which we as a society and I as an individual are not great at talking about. I was laid off from my day job in March. I have been diligently searching for new work, but as many of you are aware, it is a rough time to be unemployed, even if you have a lot of transferable skills and an advanced degree. Last week my severance ran out, and today I discovered that, apparently, the first week you’re eligible for unemployment payments is considered an “unpayable week,” which I did not plan for. I’m fortunate to have a partner who’s still working and can help us float for a bit, but their salary alone is not going to be enough long-term, and even when I start getting unemployment next week, I'm not entirely sure how we're going to manage everything.
In addition to looking for a steady day job. I am now trying to lean into the fact that I do own my own business. I redesigned my website last week. I've added some expanded tarot reading options. Currently I'm only offering readings via email, but I'm working on figuring out how to also do in-person readings for folks in the Twin Cities. (Ideally I'd love to find some places where I could do little pop-ups from time to time.) I'm open for additional spiritual companionship clients as well.
I don't think I have the capacity to do this work full time, but it is work that is so nourishing and sustaining for me. It's work that feels deeply connected to purpose and to my values. And I know that it's work that genuinely does good in the world, that directly contributes to making my corner of the world a gentler place.
I am much better at asking for help than I used to be, but asking for help financially still makes me a little queasy. That said, if you want to help me get this little business of mine a little more off the ground, here are some options:
- I've added an option to be a paid subscriber to this newsletter. Please notes that, for now, I'm planning to keep all posts free, so paying doesn't currently get you anything extra (aside from the satisfaction of knowing you're helping a queer, nonbinary, neurodivergent human fund the work they find most live-giving).
- You can book a tarot reading with me! (One repeat tarot client has left the feedback that, "Alyx does the most thoughtful, honest, and deep tarot readings I have ever encountered. I learn from them in every encounter and their work has been vital to my healing.")
- Alternatively if there's someone else in your life who you think would appreciate a reading, I've added an option to purchase gift certificates in the specific amounts I offer various readings for (this option is at the bottom of the booking page linked above).
- Know anyone who might be interested in spiritual companionship? Send them my way! (I recently had a former client leave the lovely feedback that, "Working with Alyx for spiritual companionship transformed my life for the better! It was so worth it.")
- Follow me on Instagram? I have mixed feelings about being back on the platform after more than a year away, but I'm starting fresh and I'm hoping to make more connections there.
- Can't do any of these things but still want to show support? Reply to the newsletter or leave me a comment with a note of encouragement to remind me I'm not screaming into the void. Seriously, it helps.
I promise not every post from here out will be quite this marketing-heavy, but I need to start somewhere. Thank you for reading and for your support!